How to Get Over Writer’s Block

by Chelsea Low

How to get over writer's block...

1. Sit down at your laptop and smile. I should have this article done by tonight, you think to yourself. Tonight at the LATEST. More like this afternoon. Maybe even an hour from now. Probably in ten minutes. Or even in five minutes and everyone is going to be impressed that my article was done so quickly (pause here for an evil laugh) but I’ll just brush it off and say well, you know, I was always a natural-born writer, no really, this takes absolutely no effort at all, is that a Pulitzer Prize? Oh you shouldn’t have….
2. Open a blank Word document. 
3. Stare at the blank Word document.
4. Wait for the brilliant ideas to come.
5. Make tea. Tea is writer-ish.
6. Get inspired.
7. Inspiration could include, but is not limited, to watching every show and movie you’ve ever heard of starring a writer. This is an easy step because screenwriters seem to really like writing about fellow writers. 
8. Tell yourself that watching Carrie finish article after article episode after episode of Sex and the City is conducive to your own rate of article completion. This works best when you actually believe you are simultaneously coming up with ideas alongside Carrie. 
9. Snack time.
10. Move to the kitchen. Ah, the kitchen. Perfect habitat for writers. Bright, airy, light, full of food….
11. Imagine yourself sitting quietly in the chair drenched in afternoon sunlight, tapping away at the keyboard, a smile peacefully upon your face.
12. Eat copious amounts of peanut butter instead.
13. Decide to write an article about the merits of peanut butter.
14. Realize the article is not funny or interesting to anyone besides yourself.
15. Cry. 
16. Do a Breakfast Club-esque dance around your kitchen. 
17. Cry. 
18. Give up. 
19. Decide not to give up. 
20. Write two hundred two-hundred-word fragments of articles. Continue to do this through the night, fighting to stay awake with just one eye open, resorting to the refined “hunt and peck” method of typing. 
21. Realize none of them are worth salvaging. 
22. Realize it’s too late to turn in your article that same night. 
23. Realize that same night passed hours ago when it was still last night. 
24. Cry. 
25. Repeat steps 1-13. 
26. Sarcastically type “How to Get Over Writer’s Block” into your blank Word document.
27. Decide that this will all be worth it if you can help at least one person get over their writer’s block while you continue to writhe in pain. 
28. Condemn your readers to misery instead.
29. Cry. 
30. Your article is finished.