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by Nicole Washington
We all know those people who constantly complain about their partner; “He won’t open the door for me”, or “she won’t do anything around the house”. In fact, our current generation has seen one of the largest divorce rates in the history of marriage, with over 50% of marriages failing. Many have blamed it on the lack of religion in our society, or how this generation was raised, but I have an interesting theory that I hope will open some eyes. I believe that we need to base our relationship decisions on biology, instead of what our mind or society tries to tell us.
Let me begin with a simple example: the same principles of picking a mate exists in the animal world as it does in the human world. Now, I’m not trying to compare humans to animals, because there are obvious behavioral and cognitive differences. However, humans and animals also have a lot in common, and that includes the drive to reproduce. What animals look for is not so different than what people look for in a mate. In the animal world, a male is typically looking for a softly built female that has good hormones and is healthy. A female would look for a male that is strong, has an abundance of testosterone, and produces genetically-sound offspring. Similarly, in the world of humans, males have a tendency to be more attracted to females that have motherly tendencies, are curvy or softly built, and have excellent hormones. A female human will look for a male who is successful in life, usually fairly good looking, and takes good care of himself. I know much of what I have just said doesn’t totally crossover, but I hope you see some correlation.
As much as I’m sure you hate to hear it, who you choose is based more on your biology than what your heart or mind tells you. Being a hotly debated topic, I implore you to go out and do your own research. However, many people have learned to override this basic instinct, for whatever personal or environmental reasons. In my opinion, this is the reason for the high divorce rates, especially amongst Americans. Due to many environmental factors, as a society we have chosen to base our relationship decisions on who we think we should be with, not who we instinctually know we should be with. The difference, in this case, between knowing and thinking is that thinking is based on what your mind is telling you, and knowing is based on what your gut is telling you.
Essentially, I want you to go with your gut. If you have any doubts about your current relationships, close your eyes, don’t think about anything, and go with what your gut tells you how you feel about that individual. When you get that warm fuzzy feeling all the time about a certain person, you may want to consider how serious your relationship is with them, and take it to the next level. When you constantly think about your other half and have countless songs that remind you of that person, your biology may be prodding you. Now, I did refer a lot to “thinking”, but where are those thoughts coming from? Have you ever taken the time to really dive into where your thoughts of your other half come from? Which part of your body heats up when you think of them?
In the end, we not only must learn to live with the good characteristics of our partners, but we must also learn to live with the bad. Living with someone involves learning to ignore certain personal quirks, such as bad breath in the morning, and smelly feet. In fact, there is a quote from a famous alternative rock band called Pearl Jam, “If you hate something, don’t you do it too?” That’s the wonders of biology; biology doesn’t care about the little bad things, it truly only cares about the whole individual.
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